Adoption process: part 1

Several people have told us we should start a blog to chronicle our adoption process, and I figured the internet really needed another mommy-esque blog, so here goes. ;)

Here’s how we got to where we are now – this is going to be in a couple parts because otherwise it would be ridiculously long.

When Anna and I talked about having kids, we always agreed that adoption would be our first choice. We recognize that we have two uteruses from which to choose, but neither of us felt an overwhelming urge to carry a child. Also, we have always been pretty heavy environmentalists, and the best thing you can do for the environment is not bring another human into this already overpopulated world. I pass no judgment on people who choose to have children; this was just our decision for our family.

To be perfectly honest, we came to the decision to seriously start looking into adoption over text message because I was out of town -- how modern of us. The first thing we did was check out "Adoption for Dummies" from the library....seriously. It is actually pretty good, and it's easy to read. It was WAY better than "The Idiot's Guide to Adoption." That one lost us when it suggested getting rid of your pit bull because, "how badly do you really want a baby?" Pit bulls as nanny dogs is another post for another blog, so I won't even get started here.

Then, we started looking for an adoption agency. We knew we wanted a newborn, and going through the state makes that a potentially VERY long process. Most of the kids that need homes through the state are a bit older. Another thing about the adoption process that I'll talk more about later is the way it makes you really think about your life and how you envision a child being a part of that. I'll get back to that later.

At the time of our searching, there were 8 accredited private agencies in the state of Maine. We picked one that was relatively close to us that we felt good about after talking to them on the phone and meeting them in person.  Because we're a same-sex couple, international adoption isn't an option for us. A lot of other countries allow single parent adoption, so we could:

1. pretend to not be a couple
2. one of us could adopt a child from another country
3. upon finalization of that adoption, the other one of us could then do second parent adoption (only because Maine allows same-sex second parent adoption)

Basically, we'd have to go through the entire process twice, and we'd be working the system. That seemed a bit dramatic for us, plus we know there are lots of kids who need good homes right here.

So, it's early June 2014, and we were off and running up the mountain of paperwork required for adoption. This includes, but is not limited to...

1. Application Form -- name, address, etc.
2. Various contracts and agreements -- for different phases of the process
3. At least 3 reference letters from non family members
4. Health Insurance forms
5. A Physical
6. Assignment of Guardianship -- if something happened to us, we have to name who would be responsible for our baby
7. DHHS clearance
8. Marriage license -- you don't have to be married, but if you are, they want your license
9. Driving records
10. Criminal background check
11. Tax returns
12. Background questions (everything from describe your appearance to what are your three best qualities to what is one thing you'd like to change about your spouse!)
13. FBI fingerprint clearance -- more on this one later
14. Birth certificate -- an official one, a copy is not enough!
15. Various other forms releasing info about us to other people

The agency told us that it typically takes about 3 months to get all this paperwork done. We did ours in 2 months. Once we decided we were going to do this, we were ready to do this!  After our first meeting with the agency, we left as much of the paperwork with them that day that we could. Then, we stopped at the Sheriff's office to be fingerprinted on the way home.

Even though we got all our paperwork in rapidly, we still had to wait for the fingerprints to come back from the FBI.  This typically takes at least 12 weeks. Lucky for us, they sent ours back after about 6 weeks. Not lucky for us, Anna failed. That's not to say she's a criminal (I hope!), it was actually that the quality of her fingerprints weren't up to par. Back to the Sheriff. When she went back, he was shocked and proceeded to make like 10 copies of her fingerprints. He said, "if they don't accept these, then they'll have to come show me how to do it because it doesn't get any better than this!"

The result? Fail. ARGH!

At this point, the adoption agency said it was ok, and they wouldn't hold up our progress based on the fingerprints. We have to get fingerprinted again once we have a baby and the court is finalizing everything, so they can take care of that hoop at that point. Phew.

So, our paperwork is in, and we're ready to begin our home study. There are two things we have to get done -- home study and home certification. They are both overseen by our social worker. So, we got assigned a social worker on a Wednesday, and she called us on Friday. On the phone, she said, "I'm headed your way tomorrow, can I stop by for the first round of interviews then?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: "Sure, that sounds great."
SW: "Don't clean. Seriously."
Me: "OK."

We abandoned all plans for the day, and scoured the house. It had never looked finer. There was not a thing on our massive dining room table (normally, the catch all for random crap).

I think I'll leave it there for now, and I'll pick up with the home study process in Part 2.